:'( -- Why can't my mother be proud of me?! Like, why is it SO hard?! Having 2 jobs isn't fuckin' easy! Yo! That shit is hard, and I lost my social life, I lost my motivation in my goals... I want to give up, but I remember I used to be in this position... Where I felt everything was collapsing over me... I fought through that, but DAMN! It seems like every time it happens again; it's harder than the last... :'( I have yet to hear "I'm so proud of you"from my mom... Just I didn't go to college... I'm not perfect. It hurts emotionally... I have so many emotional scars... Do I really need more?! Being 19 and going through all of this is making want to give up SO BAD!! I can see my dreams come closer with each day that passes by... *sigh* I have to just breathe and tell myself that everything is going to be alright. -- :'(

xo

So tonight came out to be a lot better than I thought... It was FUN! Not super exciting, but I did have those conversations that made LOL!! Whenever I started my shift I felt out-of-place.. Maybe because I didn't have any intentions to go to work or... Just whatever. I wish I was working with some people tonight, but HEY!! We can't always have what we want... Life's a Bitch. -- I just read this quote that got me thinking... Here it goes "A job just for wealth is the easiest way to rob yourself." Like, damn! That's exactly what I'm doing and I feel exactly like that. -_- I only have 2 jobs due to the fact that I NEED to move out of this BumbleFUCK town! I'm definitely loosing focus on Acting/Fashion... All I'm thinking about is WORK! Once I raised the $5,000 that I need. I don't have to work as hard...

xo

Heading to work and I'm not feeling it... Only because the one person that I really wanted to work with tonight put me in a odd mood... Because of her drama with the other Host it somehow affected me. -_- Not cute. I wanted to go there and have fun!! Which is odd because I'm working, but usually the weekends are amazing!! Anyways, hopefully it becomes pretty fun!! DAMN! And this boy needs to hit me up... Like, why is it that I always ended up texting him first.. WHY is it making feel this type of way anyways... UGH! My brain is scattered!! -- My dream last night was... there. I was stealing a mall.... That I've never been in. And the Mall Cop was a famous actress... Famous Re-bound! I usually don't get my dreams, but where ever I'm at in my dreams; I end up being there in real life... Leaves me MIND LUCK! Every. Time.

xo